Nonfiction

Lynn Ahrens writes for Broadway, television, and film. Her honors include the Tony Award, the Emmy, and two Academy Award nominations. In 2015 she was inducted into the Theater Hall of Fame. Many of her essays are available in our Archive, among them “One-Man Show,” which was nominated for the Best American Essays and Pushcart anthologies. Ahrens is a native New Yorker.

Type A

An Essay

by Lynn Ahrens

Dominic’s breath is soft in my ear, his accent a lilting roller coaster. He guides my hand, telling me exactly what he wants me to do. I’m moist with sweat, exhausted, but he’s patient, knowing it’s my first time. We’ve been at it for hours—his voice is coming from a million miles away.

“Now, please type in C as in California, O as in Oregon, N as in New York, and F as in Fronk-en-shty-een.”

“Excuse me?”

“F as in Fronk-en-shty-een.”

“Frankenstein?”

“That is correct.”

I do as he says. A pause.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I’m shrieking in ecstasy.

Darling Dominic, or whatever your real name is, in Calcutta or New Delhi—thank you, thank you, my sweet love. After five grueling hours with you, I’m back online.

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