Natalie, Natalie, it's so good to see your story. Every phrase, every image so keen and unique, specific and surprising.
This story is so much fun, and then you stop and feel your heart drop. What a voice. What a vision.
This is a template for how to write a short short story. Catch a recognizable sequence. Pack rich humor into every sentence, every phrase, so that at the end, real time has been condensed, and the reader is exhausted with the full experience of story.