The Dream of Adoration and Other Poems

The Dream of Adoration

She said Last night I had a dream
and the voice in the dream asked me
what it was I wanted most of all
I said Most of all I want
to someday be adored that is what,
and he said That is real simular crazy
because just some while back ago
I had this dream about could I
be something besides me
and what would it be and the voice
said You wanta be a door?
and I thought that might be something
I could be good at, the way in and out
of wherever anybody wanted to be or go
I could maybe make a difference that way
and then I saw them putting me together
out of green wood with a ripsaw
the edges uneven with no T square
only two brace beams where I’d fit all aloose
with used hinges so I couldn’t
never be 90 degrees and punkwood lockstobs
with oversize holes so they dangled like pigtails
on both sides where the door wobblied and not
stayed shut tight on either side in or out
and they put me on an outhouse off to one side
where I beat and banged and flopped
and squawkcreaked and flung open with
the slightest wind at the always wrong time
and then there was daddy bellering
Goddammit boy what the hell good are you for
you don’t even make a decent shithouse door
how in the name of God did I ever get a boy like you?
and then I seen them come to get me
took me off down behind the barn
where I waited in the weather alone
until here they come with axes
to chop me up for forewood
and that’s when I woke up and known
I didn’t want to be no dammed door
or anything else, it was then I give up
on aspirations and decided I’d have
to be whatever it is that I was
set out to be and just learn to live with it
right up to the end unless I chose sooner
and neither one of them said anything else
just sat in the car at the Sunset Drive In Theatre
watching Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn
that one day they had alone together
and ate popcorn out of each other’s sacks
until the picture show was over
when he drove her back to her house
all their adoring dreams permanently deferred

Idyll in Medias Res, 1954

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